lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
