hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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