I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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