i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
