I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
