break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
