OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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