omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
there is puke in my bra ... again
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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