you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
handjob tips. give me some.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
