Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize