Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
