covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
