big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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