so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
