You're earring is so big in my mouth
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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