im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
