I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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