I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
