Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
