im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize