Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
