I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize