you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
