Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
