He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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