Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
