what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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