great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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