I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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