Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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