I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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