She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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