if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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