the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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