I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
