very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
