Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
