There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
