I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
