1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
