she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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