i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
