how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
