im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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