Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
