Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
