eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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