When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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