you traded sex for a burrito?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
