i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
