she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
