If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
