how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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