I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
