I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize