What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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