she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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