his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
