The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
