She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
