you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
