An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize