i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
