I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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