i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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