Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
