i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
