Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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