Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
