It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
