I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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