But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
