Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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