I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
