is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
