its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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