You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
